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  “So fucking tight,” he whispered. “Need a second or I’m gonna be a two-pump chump.”

  “Doesn’t seem fair after the shit you’ve been putting me through.”

  “It doesn’t, does it?” He sounded amused. “But don’t worry, it’s not gonna go down that way at all. You’re gonna wanna gnaw through the shelf.”

  I didn’t really know what he meant until he pulled all the way out of me, then slammed back in with a grunt. I yelped and another vehement shhh! sounded from through the shelves.

  “Sorry about that.” He wasn’t sorry at all, but he eased up and this time when he pulled out and slid back in it was slower, the pressure more manageable. He kept that slow, steady pace, letting the heat build up inside me, and then he shifted on his feet and tilted my hips a little. When he pushed back in that time, my entire body lit up like a Vegas sign, pleasure receptors pinging all over the fucking place. I think my eyes even rolled back in my skull. Eric smothered my mouth again with his hand. “Got this feeling you’re gonna want to get louder.”

  I moaned into his palm, bit at the inside of his fingers. His teeth latched onto the side of my neck as he began fucking me in earnest. His pace quickened and the fat head of his cock dragged over my prostate like a match against a striking plate. I was nothing but flame.

  “Meant to make it quick but, nnnngh…” The words came out in staccato puffs of air against the side of my neck as he thrust into me, slowing down just enough when he plunged deep so the collision of our bodies didn’t emit a telltale smacking sound. I wasn’t paying much attention to what he was saying anyway. I was halfway to the ceiling and on my way to the stratosphere.

  Goddamn, he was plowing me, and I was sure I was going to be sore tomorrow. Did I give a shit? Not at all. My breath escaped in harsh gasps around his hand over my mouth. Eric bent his index and middle finger and stuffed them inside my mouth, almost gagging me as they invaded, and it was one of those things that if you told me out of context I’d be into, I would have laughed. But holy fuck was I at that moment. He had me plugged on both ends, totally at his mercy, and I could do nothing but take his cock in my ass and drool on his fingers.

  Even though his grunts were purposely muffled, there was a feral quality to them, and I imagined if I twisted to look around, I’d find his lower lip trapped between his teeth, his features strained and drawing tighter with every thrust. My head drooped between my upstretched arms, and my body felt like it melted and reformed every time he retreated, then slammed into me again. And just when I thought he might truly break me, he pulled his fingers from my mouth and gloved my cock in that sublime friction of his spit-slick hand as he jerked me hard, whispering, “Come for me, baby.”

  I incinerated. Went full-on nuclear. All reactors overloaded. Meltdown commence. Every muscle in my body filled with blood, then wrung themselves out all at once. Pleasure throbbed, then hammered through me. My back arched spastically, my mouth opened in a scream I buried in my own shoulder, and I felt my dick swell dangerously just before my load burst from me in thick, gooey spurts that coated Eric’s hand and the shelves in front of me. I shuddered through the ecstasy ringing through my cock and beating over my temples, and Eric just kept going through the aftershocks, his grunts more careless now, his movements losing finesse.

  His come-soaked hand rose back up to my mouth, and I didn’t think twice when he smeared the sticky mess over my chin. When he pushed his fingers against my lips, I sucked them clean, and he lost it. His teeth clamped onto the tendons in my shoulder, near the place he’d marked me last time, and pinched as he came with one last deep thrust and a string of unintelligible words that were probably curses.

  Eric dropped his forehead against my back, and I braced my hands tighter against the shelf, supporting us both as we came down. I let my head fall back as he slipped from inside me, and was just about to close my eyes and sink into the afterglow washing over me when I caught a blur of movement in front of me.

  “Hey!” A masculine voice. And a stern one.

  “Shit!”

  What happened next was a chaos of fumbling. I yanked my shorts up, and Eric seized my elbow as the guy walking down the aisle toward us started moving faster. I couldn’t think straight, had no fucking clue where to go. Instinctively, I darted left, but Eric yanked me again and dragged me back the other way, letting go of my elbow to take my hand as we sailed down the aisles, twisting and turning through the stacks until I was completely lost.

  Eric barreled through an exit and steadied me as I tripped through the doorway after him, straight into the downpour. He didn’t let me stop to collect myself but kept on pulling me along as he raced through the rain, hugging the wall of the library, then broke us across the quad, leading us into another building.

  We slowed at the end of a hallway, pulling apart and collapsing against the wall opposite each other. I put my hands to my knees, bending over to catch my breath, the ends of my hair dripping on the floor. I watched as Eric slumped all the way to the floor, digging one hand in his shorts and coming out with the condom, which he knotted up and tossed in a nearby trash can. The sound of it smacking against the plastic liner bag broke through my panic, and we both started laughing.

  “You suck under pressure,” he panted out.

  “I like to think I’d do better in a burning building or something, but shit, maybe you’re right.” I bit the inside of my lip, troubled. Not only by the idea that I was so prone to flailing, but because we’d almost been caught. Guess I could cross that kink off the list, after all. By contrast, Eric seemed totally at ease, so maybe he was a fan.

  I sank down to the floor, putting my head in my hands and willing my heart rate to slow before I stroked out or something.

  “Guy was a student aide, don’t worry about it. He won’t do shit, and I doubt he saw much anyway.”

  “He saw enough.” Shit, had he seen my face? I felt myself pale. “Are there cameras in there?”

  “In the basement? No.” Eric laughed. “I’m not sure about upstairs.”

  I glanced up at him. “How do you know?”

  Eric licked his lips and arched a brow. “How do you think I know?”

  Ugh. I wished I hadn’t asked. I pulled up the hem of my T-shirt and mopped my face with it, then looked around. We were near the stairwell at the end of a hall in the Engineering building. A class let out at the other end, and people milled around just outside the door.

  “I haven’t been in this building since freshman year.”

  “Survey in Architecture?”

  I nodded. “I guess most of your classes are here?”

  “Mm.” Eric gave an affirmative nod and stuck his hand back in his pants, adjusting himself, then tipped his head back against the wall and let his eyes fall shut.

  “Shit. That was nice.” His eyes were still closed as a smile teased the corners of his mouth. I studied him, this guy who less than five minutes ago had effortlessly fed me my own come while I hadn’t batted a lash. I could still taste myself.

  “You haven’t been around,” I blurted out in total non sequitur.

  “I had a group project. Was here a lot. But I have been around. You’ve been avoiding me. Getting weird.”

  “I wasn’t getting weird. I was getting horny.” And, okay, a little weird. But fuck it.

  “You could have just said so. I told you I was down.” It didn’t help that his eyes were still closed, his expression serene as if he’d just finished a fucking yoga class.

  When I didn’t say anything, he finally opened his eyes, fixing me with an inquisitive gaze.

  “Fine. I weirded out. A little bit.” I held my finger and thumb an inch from each other, and he responded with the same gesture, except he separated his finger and thumb as far as he could.

  “It’s not your first time with a guy, so is it the fraternity stuff?”

  “How do you know it’s not my first time?”

  Eric exhaled a lazy chuckle, rolling his eyes as if the answer was
obvious. “You never would’ve let me fuck you if it was your first time.”

  I shushed him sharply, glancing around the hallway. No one there, of course.

  More soft laughter from him. “So what’d you do? Play doctor with the neighbor boy and enjoy it a little too much? Pick on some poor sap in high school only to figure out, oh shit, all that angst you felt was just a boner in disguise?”

  I kicked out at his leg to stop him. “Quit being a dick.” I rolled my lips inward, wondering why I was even going to tell him in the first place since we were just fucking around anyway. “I did play doctor with a neighborhood kid when I was little, but I didn’t know any different, and I did the same with a girl, too, so I figured it evened out. And then when I got to middle school and all the girls started getting tits, it overshadowed that old stuff, so I figured it was just a random thing. Until summer before freshman year.”

  Eric’s eyes brightened with interest as I continued. “I worked in a restaurant as a busboy, trying to save up some extra cash for fall, and there was another guy I worked with and…it just sort of happened. We didn’t fuck, though, like penetration. A few hand jobs. He blew me a couple of times.”

  “What happened to him?” Eric’s stare was contemplative, assessing.

  I shrugged. “I left for school, and that was it.” He didn’t look like he believed my succinct ending, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t his business that I’d missed Cade more than I’d thought I would. We’d hung out all summer, and when we hooked up, it was always under the pretense that we were just two dudes getting off together because we were already around each other, so why not? We’d never even kissed. But yeah, I’d still missed him when I’d left.

  “Nothing since then?” He narrowed his eyes at me.

  I shook my head. “Nope.”

  “Why not?”

  “Is this an inquisition? I don’t fucking know. Because I like chicks, too, and life’s a lot easier being the kind of guy I am if I stick to chicks. And besides, I haven’t been interested in any other guys. Not even a little.”

  “Until now.”

  “I’m not interested in you. I’m interested in hooking up with you.” I caught the change in his expression. It was brief, but it was there—a flash of hurt or anger. I didn’t know him well enough to distinguish which, though. It felt good to say at the same time it made me feel shitty. Eric was always so calm and collected and confident, reducing me to a whimpering mess with his touch and his looks. I could get off on the powerlessness in the heat of the moment, but afterward, it irritated me to no end. None of that was really his fault, but I’d already established my brain didn’t function well around him.

  “Fair enough,” he said, his tone mild and unbothered. He’d dropped the curtain again, but I didn’t feel the relief I expected to at returning to status quo.

  “I don’t think my fraternity brothers would be that cool with my experiments, though.”

  “Yeah, well. No worries. Your secret’s safe with me.”

  That was supposed to be reassuring, right? So why did I feel a flash of disappointment that he wasn’t invested enough to be frustrated by my concern over secrecy? Whatever. I needed to just get out of there. And then I remembered—

  “Shit, my stuff. How’m I going to get it?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it. Wait right here.” Eric put his hands to his knees and stood up, skimming a palm over his temple to smooth his hair back.

  “Now?” I blinked.

  “Well, yeah. It’ll take me five minutes.”

  Eric vanished around the corner, leaving me alone in the hallway. Seconds ticked by and my mind started racing as I waited. That was a bad idea. I should have just gone with him because at least when I was around him, I seemed to be incapable of complex thought processes. Now I was just stewing over letting him fuck me again—what it might mean. If it would happen again.

  By the time he got back, I was pacing. He was absolutely soaked and dropped my backpack to the floor and made a flourishing gesture with his hands, grinning.

  “Did you just walk in there?”

  He chuckled. “Nah, gave some freshman five bucks to go get it for me. But really, I could've gone in. I just figured you’d freak out and worry more. You’re overthinking this, man. That dude has probably already forgotten, okay?”

  “Okay.” And then, after another beat, I tacked on, “Thanks.”

  “No worries.” Why did he look so damn amused?

  I picked up my backpack and hitched it up on my shoulder. Then we just stood there in front of each other. I wasn’t sure what was supposed to come next. A see ya? A thank you for getting me off? Fuck my brain for getting so stupid in his presence.

  “All right. Well, see ya, then.” I started to walk off, but Eric planted his palm on my shoulder and pushed me back against the wall. My heart raced as he studied my face. Fuck, he was too close. I didn’t know what he was seeing in my expression, but whatever it was loosed another chuckle from him.

  “Next time, just tell me you want it. You can even text me. It’s no big deal, bro.”

  “Yeah, all right.” I gave him a short nod, but he didn’t move, just stood there, his gaze roaming my face, then locking in on mine. I wet my lips nervously.

  Eric’s expression softened, a half-smile curling his lips. Fuck he had nice lips. Nicer eyes. Nice everything.

  I squeezed the strap of my backpack. He was still fucking there, his thumb sweeping over my collarbone, and now I couldn’t make my legs move. His head tilted slightly to the side, his lips parting on a soft exhale.

  Oh shit, he was going to kiss me. I drew in a shuddery breath, still frozen. He arched a brow.

  “No.” It came out softly, but was firm.

  Eric shrugged and released me immediately, then took a couple of steps backward, sweeping his hand in an “after you” gesture down the hall.

  He didn’t follow me, but I felt his eyes on my back until I turned the corner. I picked up speed as soon as I was out the door, forgetting the rain and how it was dousing me as I cut across the quad toward home, forgetting everything but the way his mouth had hovered before mine just seconds ago. And how much I’d fucking wanted that kiss.

  3

  Push Me

  “Sanders.”

  Mmmm. The husky sound of my name spilling from his mouth. That quirk of his lips that was half smile, half smirk, all bastard. Open up. His hands moving over my hips, clasping my jaw, forcing my mouth wider. The gleam in his eyes.

  “Sanders!”

  More insistent now. His grip on me tightening. Driving me, pushing me around, owning me.

  “Hey, sweetpea, wake your ass up.” The jarring shake to my shoulder knocked the feathers from that delicious dream and left me grumpy.

  “Don’t make me drop my balls on your chin. ’Cause I will. You know I will.” Mark’s voice was an unwelcome reality at the moment. I shut my eyes again and tried to will the dream back into existence. Eric had been about to—

  The mattress bounced and down, jiggling me and my sour stomach. I reached a hand up, flailing it around, seeking contact with anything solid and found it with a sharp smack of sound.

  “Ow! Watch it, dick.”

  I groaned and rolled onto my back, slitting my eyes to peer up at Mark hovering over me with a terse frown as he rubbed at his jaw.

  “We’re supposed to be there at eleven for setup. If you still want a ride, you better haul ass. I’m leaving in ten.” There was the botanical garden where our fraternity and two others were hosting a fund-raiser for the local VA hospital.

  I yawned into Mark’s consternation and wiped sleep from my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. A wicked headache beat at my temples, reminding me I was still alive despite the multitude of shots I’d pounded last night. I waved Mark off. “I need another half hour. You go ahead.”

  He sighed, bounced off the bed, and disappeared through my doorway. I started to get up and then flopped backward, needing another minute
to let my brain catch up to daylight. It was a painful process. My mouth was whiskey-flavored sandpaper, and I gripped myself through the covers and squeezed, trying to urge the blood back through the rest of my body. The erection I was sporting could’ve held up a circus tent. Fuck Mark for interrupting that killer dream. I hoped I’d left a bruise on his jaw.

  My recall of the night prior was fuzzy. Some frat brothers and I had gone to a bar. A lot of bars, actually. I lost track after the third. But I remembered that we’d ended the night at Westfire, and I’d been balls-to-the-wall hammered by then. We all had.

  And who else had been there? Eric. Across the bar with a group of his own friends—Chet and Amanda and some other folks. They’d seemed cozy, all tangled up in each other and laughing. We’d eyed each other across the bar, and my thoughts had rewound back to him railing me at the library, how his breath had ghosted across my lips in the Engineering building. Mark had handed me a shot and I’d knocked it back quickly, tasting only the memory of Eric. I’d wanted things right then. A lot of things I never expected I’d want or entertain with Eric.

  Like getting on my knees for him.

  Or kissing him.

  But just when I’d pushed my empty shot glass over the counter and set a determined, liquor-fueled course in his direction, he’d narrowed his eyes at me and shaken his head. Subtly but unmistakably, leaving me wondering what the fuck that had meant. I’d glanced back over my shoulder to the crew I’d come with, and when I looked back again, Eric had turned his back squarely to me. A clear signal.

  We hadn’t stopped drinking. The crew returned to the frat house for late night, and I didn’t stumble back to the house until almost five in the morning, Mark and I cracking up when I fell off the porch into the bushes while I was taking a leak before going inside. Once we’d gone in, I’d waited until he was down the hall, then went upstairs and stood outside Eric’s closed door, staring at it like an idiot until I grew a pair and turned the knob gently only to find his bed empty. Jealousy coiled around me like fitful snakes. He’d probably slept elsewhere a hundred times before and I’d hardly even noticed, so I was frustrated with both him and myself as I wandered back to my bedroom. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I’d passed out.